Tuesday, November 17, 2009

His Love is sufficient for me

I am re-writing my destiny with God's grace and love. Now I can take a trip back to that day and just look at my past life from a distance:

Its the year 1973. Before I wipe out my eyes, I slip into the shoes of that vulnerable, little 8 year old girl. My heart is still racing as I jump out of the school bus. I smile because its Friday and the weekend's around the corner. I'm glad because I'm on my way home. But, the minute I knock on the door, my happiness is short-lived. There is no-one home. Suddenly, I'm overwhelmed by fear. I curl up in a little corner under the stairs. Soon dark clouds make an appearance in the sky. My fear of the dark becomes more apparent as I run up the stairs to try the door again. But there's still no answer. I come to my senses. Mom is gone. She's gone forever. I cry bitterly, but nobody comes to my rescue. Eventually, I take refuge at the bottom of the stairs. As I sit there sole alone, it feels like an eternity. I stare at the grey clouds playing havoc in the sky. And before I know it, the rain comes tumbling down in buckets. I'm almost freezing to death. I'm shell-shocked. I'm all alone. I'm afraid. I feel deserted. Reality hits me like a ton of bricks. I've been abandoned. I am abandoned.

As the years fly by, I grow up to become a woman – a married woman. But, the stigma of abandonment frequents my life like a dark cloud. It makes a home for itself in my life even throughout my marriage. No matter how much my husband shows his adoration for me, the feeling of loneliness, insecurity, fear of being unloved and abandoned never leaves my side. It festers like a cancer in my being. Eventually, the struggle within me rages havoc and almost results in the collapse of my marriage. During this battle,God is an absent player in my life.

Out of the blue, I meet up with my mother after 25 long years. We become re-acquainted but, the umbilical cord that knotted us together, has been severely severed. We are like strangers. We are strangers. That bond between mother and daughter is non-existent. However, not long after that meeting, my mother becomes gravely ill. She calls me to her bedside before she kisses mother earth goodbye and begs for my forgiveness. I reluctantly forgive her - my mother. But, it is through that forgiveness that I find peace... a perfect peace within my being.

There also comes a turning point in my marriage. I realise that I will have to make the ultimate choice. I choose to follow Christ. Soon I draw the conclusion that I can't solely depend on my husband for true happiness and contentment. No! The only person I can find unending joy, peace and unconditional love with is, Christ Jesus.

When I think about everything clearly, I'm sure there are many of you out there who just like the little girl in this story have an intense craving for love and security. Of course, you may face many challenges on a daily basis. Very often it will become an ongoing battle just to analyse your feelings. You may struggle with acceptance issues. And the fear of trusting people might become an ongoing battle. Why? All because of your lack of faith in other human beings.

But, it is when you make a choice to take that ultimate walk! That walk with the God of Love, that there is no turning back. Okay. At first, you might feel a bit hesitant... A number of questions might run through your mind like: What if God leaves me? Why would He Love me?... But deep down there's that burning desire that in God you will find what you've been searching for your entire life - a safe resting place for your soul. Yet, when you look at yourself in the mirror, you know in your mind that loved one's have promised you the world before. And every time your hopes and dreams just went up in flames. Yet what is so different now?

The difference is: Jesus never makes a promise he cannot keep! He won't let you down. He is a man of his word. And by putting your hand in God's hand, your life will be different. Going on a journey with Him is something out of the ordinary. And when you toy with the possibilities in your mind, you'll come to believe that you have to fear nothing with God on your side. You can trust him with your whole heart. Why? Because His Love is unconditional. His Love is everlasting.

So friends, cast all your fears aside even if you are feeling let down or un-loved: “Don't be afraid, for the God of Love is with you always... Just learn to lean on Him, talk to Him. And His Word will give you the Love and Comfort you need...

“Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever (Psalm 136:26).

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11).

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness" (Jeremiah 31:3)”.

I think that God is through his Holy Spirit is using me in a special way, a way that I've never dreamed was possible. Thank you for taking the time to learn to know more about me!

God Bless,

1 comment:

  1. Cheryl this is really heart wrenching,soul searching and painful. I pray that God's healing continue in your life. If the Son sets you free you are free indeed. Pamela


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